


maybe i just have to let you go

by straysncts



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Happier ending now, Happy Ending, M/M, OT3, Poly, Soulmate AU, angst because i want everyone to suffer w me, but changbin centric, but theres some soft moments, definitely not happy, kinda bitter ending, more fluff this time, oh also 3racha based, pining i guess? changbins a Loser, since i updated, this got longer than planned, uh, yes this is all i could come up w
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:41:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straysncts/pseuds/straysncts
Summary: the wind nips at his cheeks, and changbin realizes that, somewhere along the way, he’d started crying.he glances up at the night sky, sees a lone star, and smiles bitterly.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> first of all!!!! just to clarify this is a soulmate based thing n people have matching tattoos n thats how they learn who their soulmate is n once they get it they have this like. emotional link but once they find their soulmate it gradually weakens/fades away second of all!!!! the ending is trash i know im truly considering continuing this because its kinda ambiguous right now idk we shall see because im not sure how id want it to play out just yet
> 
> also this isnt very good i just wanted to put it out there because ive been dying to finish writing at least (1) one thing n this is all i got oof
> 
> side note i got the title from the song baby by the rose because theyre all ive been listening to lately feel free to check them out they deserve more love!!! :( <3
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://Twitter.com/woobinsungs)

changbin stares at the constellation of stars wrapping around his wrist, and breathes in sharply. 

granted, he’d known it was coming, but waking up and seeing the marks was simply another thing. he tries to ignore the way panic bubbles up in his chest, trying to focus on the way his breaths come and go instead. he thinks about how permanent the tattoo is, how someone else out there is going to wake up and see the exact same one, how he’s the only one panicking, albeit for his own particular reasons. 

changbin’s never really been much of a romantic, so maybe that’s why the whole _soulmate_ concept irked him. just the thought that he didn’t get much of a say or choice in everything made him uneasy. his friends (mainly chan, who’s the total opposite) think he’s just a pessimist, someone who nitpicks everything good, strips it down to everything negative.

_breathe in. breathe out._

a rush of excitement floods his body, from his soulmate presumably, confirming his suspicions that he’s the only slipping into a slight panic.

he stares stubbornly at the stars, finding it ironic that something he loves stands for something he hates. he looks up from his wrist, at the uniform jacket hanging over his desk chair. he slips it on, feeling a sense of relief when the stars are no longer seen. (which doesn’t mean that the sense of excitement fades away) he thinks about chan, and tries not to choke on the guilt pooling up inside of him, lodging itself right next to his feelings of disappointment.

his sense of relief disappears when jisung slides into his seat at their lunch table later that day, eyes gleaming as he sets his things down. “you guys,” he starts, slightly out of breath, and a smile tugs on changbin’s lip. “i woke up to my soulmate tattoo,” he blurts out, practically jumping out of his seat in excitement. 

changbin realizes that the tingling of excitement that’s been following him around all day has strengthened, meaning his soulmate is somewhere nearby, and he barely has time to think, _oh no,_ before jisung’s tugging up the sleeve to his jacket to reveal a pattern of stars. “look!” he exclaims, smiling widely, and changbin sucks in a gasp. “although, i think something’s wrong,” jisung’s tone is verging on something a little less happy now, his mouth tilting downwards.

hyunjin waves him on, waiting for him to elaborate. “so you know how you’re supposed to feel your soulmates emotions and whatnot? i don’t think mines too happy,” jisung mutters, and changbin can feel the excitement fade away to something more sullen, verging sympathetic. “i’m sure it’s fine,” hyunjin reassures, and jisung mumbles a quiet, “you think so?” and changbin thinks this is all a little too weird, that somewhere along the line they went wrong and he ended up with the same tattoo as jisung. _jisung,_ of all people.

he unconsciously scratches at his arm, like it’ll somehow get rid of the stars etched onto him. 

“i think they’re sad,” jisung mumbles seemingly out of nowhere, eyes wide as he glances around the table. changbin takes a deep breath to collect himself, before scrambling to pick up all of his stuff, throwing his friends a haphazard excuse before making his way to the nearest bathroom. preferably so he can cry, but maybe also calm down, that way jisung doesn’t feel anything more than he has to.

that’s how he ends up crouched in a stall, back pressing the wall and knees pulled up to his chest. he feels a flare of worry bloom, reminding him that this is _jisung,_ that he does have a soulmate, that it’s not the person he wanted it to be, and his breathing grows even more erratic. 

_changbin meets jisung when he ends up at chan’s house and finds jisung at the door instead. “oh. hi! can i help you?” the boy asks, tilting his head curiously, smiling gently. “chan hyung. i’m looking for chan hyung,” he forces out, tongue feeling like cotton in his mouth. “lemme get him for you!” jisung’s smiling warmly at him, and changbin thinks there’s no way a stranger could be so kind. he’d gone here seeking comfort, and now he feels a little bit silly instead, so he mumbles out an apology before jisung can actually call chan to the door, bounding back down the stairs that lead to his apartment. no point in bothering him any more than usual, he supposes._

_chan asks him about it when he sees him next, and changbin tries to brush it off, but chan knows him, can see when he’s hiding something from him, so he sits quietly, waiting. “it was just my parents again, hyung,” he forces out, fumbling with his fingers so he won’t have to see the way chan’s face morphs into something akin to concern, and changbin’s heart swells when he meets his eyes._

_“come here,” he murmurs, arms open and changbin doesn’t hesitate. chan’s the only one he’ll hug these days, the only one he’s comfortable enough with to do so. he feels more than safe in them, as silly as it sounds._

call him ridiculous, but he’d secretly been hoping he wouldn’t wake up to a tattoo, the way some people do, but he must’ve _really_ pissed someone off in his previous life, because here he is. with jisung.

changbin’s pulled out his thoughts by the sound of the bathroom door opening, and he instinctively stands, palms coming up to wipe away a few stray tears. whoever it was comes and goes soon enough, and changbin waits a few seconds before unlocking the door. he stares at himself in the mirror, figuring he can pass the puffy eyes off as allergies or something equally believing, and quietly leaves the bathroom. he manages to stay somewhat calm for the rest of the day, noticing that the flare of worry that he felt earlier gave way to something much more calming and relaxing. no one brings up his appearance, or the way he drums his fingers across every surface, restless.

he stops by chan’s after school, asking if he’s busy and almost cries when chan responds with _not if you need something binnie,_ eyes warm and gentle as always, even when changbin latches onto him instead of responding, his arms settling around chan’s waist. changbin feels at ease by his side.

“everything okay?” chan questions, chin resting on top of changbin’s head. “everything’s fine, hyung,” changbin’s voice is muffled through the fabric of chan’s shirt, but even he knows the lie isn’t believable. chan hums in response, and tugs at his hands gently, signaling changbin to let go. changbin steps away from him, slightly embarrassed. “come. i’ll make tea,” chan offers, still smiling, and changbin follows him inside quietly. 

chan doesn’t force him to talk, just joins him on the couch with two cups of tea, giving him his signature lopsided smile, the one that makes changbin feel at home. they sit in comfortable silence, until changbin starts feeling uneasy again and the stars feel like they’re practically pressing into his wrist, almost as if to remind him that they’re _there._ it’s unsettling, to say the least.

“hyung,” changbin starts cautiously, carefully placing his cup down, and chan peers over at him from his spot on the couch, waiting. changbin sighs, not saying anything as he tugs his sleeve up, turning to face chan. “you got yours?” chan asks sadly, and he’s smiling but changbin can almost see him swallowing down any emotions threatening to spill over. 

changbin thinks about the absence of ink on chan’s body, and guilt floods him. “i’m sorry. i know this,” he gestures towards the tattoo, scowling, before continuing, “is a sore subject, but i found out who it is,” he finishes, and chan’s eyes widen. “already? that’s so soon,” he notes, and changbin can already _see_ the question forming on his lips. he sighs in response, tugging his sleeve back down, before opening his mouth.

“i think it’s jisung,” he mutters quietly, and a series of emotions flash across chan’s face, too fast for changbin to pin down and analyze. he doesn’t even think he wants to. “jisung? _our_ jisung?” a tingle runs down changbin’s spine when he hears chan say _our,_ and he ducks his head, feeling the tips of his ears starting to redden. 

“hey, wait. it’s not _weird,_ if that’s what’s bothering you,” chan comforts, and he places an arm in between changbin’s shoulder blades, offering him a smile. “it _is_ weird. it’s _jisung,_ hyung,” changbin protests, moving so chan’s arm falls back to his side, away from him. changbin glares stubbornly at the wall in front of him, and they both go silent for a moment. he didn’t _want_ jisung to be his soulmate, didn’t want anyone, just wanted to have chan by his side. nothing more, nothing less, and if that makes him a terrible person, then so be it. isn’t everyone a little bit selfish in some _aspect?_

_”hyung? is everything okay?” changbin asks, confused. chan doesn’t usually show up at his house out of nowhere, and especially not with watery eyes and unsteady hands. changbin silently thanks whoever decided that both of his parents had to work tonight, and guides chan through the door, onto his couch._

_“is it,” changbin begins hesitantly, eyes darting between chan and the ground. “yeah. i still haven’t gotten it,” chan mutters, and changbin doesn’t know what to say. he’s never met anyone without a soulmate tattoo, nor did he know what it meant — just that changbin wasn’t his soulmate, and vice versa. he ignores the disappointment building up inside of him._

_chan’s breathing shakily next to him, and changbin really wishes he knew what to do, wishes everything had gone just a _little_ bit differently. chan must sense his confusion, because he’s wiping his eyes frantically, apologizing and getting up from the couch. “hyung! it’s okay. stay,” changbin blurts out, his fingers reaching to envelop chan’s wrist. chan pauses, biting his lip, before sitting back down next to changbin._

_“soulmates are stupid anyways, hyung. you’ll always have me,” changbin gently reminds him, and chan’s smiling for first time that night and changbin’s happy, even if it’s through his tears._

_changbin smiles back, and briefly wonders if his heart is supposed to thump against his rib cage like this. he scoots closer, small hands moving to cover chan’s, hoping the gesture conveys everything he wants it to. chan relaxes into his touch, and changbin knows he did something right for once._

_chan brings it up later that night._

_“i know soulmates aren’t your thing, but i just thought it’d be nice, you know? to have someone meant for me,” chan says sheepishly, scratching at his neck nervously._

_changbin bites the inside of his cheek, forcing himself to stay calm. he knows they aren’t meant for each other, but he wishes they were._

_“you don’t need a stupid tattoo to know whether or not someone’s meant for you,” changbin finally argues back, and chan looks at him tiredly. “i know. i just liked the idea of it,” he admits, and changbin wishes he’d look past it all, realize there’s so much more out there than soulmates, but he’s changbin and words don’t come easily to him, so he just nods sympathetically, and tells chan it’ll be alright. he’ll do whatever works instead._

“are you gonna talk to him?” chan asks, breaking the silence, and changbin can see the curiousity in his eyes. changbin shakes his head almost right away, frowning at the thought. chan sighs, giving him one of his signature looks, and changbin recoils, already knowing what he’s going to say. 

“you don’t _get_ it, hyung,” changbin explains hurriedly, trying to keep his tone light. “i don’t,” chan agrees, and changbin automatically feels guilty for what he said. “no, what i _mean_ is that i have a soulmate but i think i like someone else,” changbin continues, anxiously bouncing his knee. 

“oh.” _yeah. me too._

“i didn’t think i was gonna get a soulmate. i didn’t even want one. you know, because of you,” changbin mutters, voice trailing off. 

_“oh.”_

changbin refuses to meet chan’s eyes. chan reaches over to put a hand on changbin’s knee, but he flinches, pulling back, and he doesn’t even have time to feel guilty about the way chan’s shoulders slump because there’s a knock at chan’s door, and changbin’s hit with an overwhelming wave of sadness. _jisung,_ he thinks, watching chan stand up to find out whose at his door. 

changbin joins him soon enough, only to be met with the sight of jisung crumpling in on himself. “sungie,” chan murmurs, arms already reaching out, and jisung meeting him halfway. changbin watches quietly from behind, waiting. chan has to detangle jisung from him to get themselves inside, and changbin is reminiscent of himself earlier. 

chan disappears to make jisung a cup of tea as well, leaving them both on the couch together, silent until jisung speaks. “it’s you, isn’t it? everything is so much more heightened around you,” jisung can’t look at him, gaze falling on the couch instead. he’s picking at a stray thread from his sweater, and changbin doesn’t have the heart to stop him. he rolls up his sleeve instead, and jisung’s eyes dart over to his wrist to confirm what he’d already guessed.

changbin can feel the uneasiness radiating from jisung, but it’s a lot weaker than earlier, both of them having come to terms with being each other’s soulmate. “i know you don’t like the whole soulmate thing,” jisung says nervously, twisting and turning his hands together. “so i’m sorry you got stuck with me of all people. i’ve, uh, seen the way you look at him,” jisung mutters, finally meeting his eyes. changbin swallows, racking his mind for a coherent response. 

“it’s not because it’s me, right? i know i’m a lot to handle, but i can’t be that bad,” jisung’s voice cracks, and changbin’s moving, reaching out with his arms. jisung curls into him, hands gripping his shirt roughly. changbin winces as the material scratches against his neck, but doesn’t say anything. 

chan doesn’t look surprised to see jisung clinging onto changbin, both of them more than used to the way he craves comfort to put his own emotions at ease. it’s all so _human,_ changbin thinks.

_the second time changbin meets jisung, it’s from opposite sides._

_this time, jisung’s the one seeking chan, only to find changbin at the door. jisung lets out a breathy laugh when he sees him, shoes scraping against the doormat nervously. “this feels familiar,” he jokes weakly, but changbin can see the way his eyes droop, the dried tear stains, can see past it all if he looks close enough. “come inside. chan’s making food,” he offers, and he can see the boy weighing his options before nodding, giving him a shy smile._

_they all sit down to eat together, jisung filling the usual quiet with his stories and laughter. changbin thinks there’s something endearing about the way his presence just fills up the room, makes everything a little brighter and easier._

_despite all that, changbin ends up leaving early after they eat, telling chan he really should go. in all honesty, he doesn’t want to leave, but the look of relief jisung shoots him makes it all worth it. he’d like to be alone with chan if he was in jisung’s state._

_sacrifices. sometimes they’re for the best._

chan sits near them, and changbin wonders how many unhappy memories have embedded themselves into the threads of this stupid, ugly couch. _too many,_ he thinks, before raising his eyes to meet chan’s. 

chan smiles at him, and changbin feels all lightweight and dizzy just from looking at him. jisung lets out a muffled sob, and changbin remembers the link, while faint now, still allows jisung to get a read on his emotions. he feels guilty now, guilty that jisung can sense the way chan makes him feel, when _jisung_ is supposed to do that to him. he’s glad that it goes away with time. 

chan moves so that he’s sitting right by them, fingers curling into the hairs falling over jisung’s neck. 

changbin’s heart aches, and jisung cries a little harder into his shirt. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so, _so,_ sorry jisung,” changbin whispers, tucking his chin on top of jisung’s head, feeling the way he’s trembling underneath his touch. chan’s tracing shapes onto jisung’s back now, below where changbin’s holding him, murmuring words of encouragement and hushed _it’s okay’s._

“i’m gonna go,” changbin says softly, squeezing jisung a little tighter before letting go. jisung doesn’t tell him to stay, and neither does chan, but changbin doesn’t blame them, just watches the way jisung slots himself in between chan’s arms, the way chan teases him to lighten the mood, before opening the door quietly and slipping out.

he takes a deep breath once he closes the door, trying to will his emotions away. he doesn’t know how long he stands there, breaths hitched and shaking. he forces himself to move when he hears footsteps, shooting down the stairs and opening the creaky, worn door leading to the street, away from the apartment building. he feels his lungs fill up with air, and wonders where he went wrong.

it’s not like he fell in love with chan overnight. he can’t even pin down what exactly made him fall in love, because chan is more or less _home_ to him.

chan is dimpled smiles, soft spoken words, and warm hugs — the kind that make you feel all tingly and happy inside, the kind of way changbin wishes he could _always_ feel. he’s the one star that always appears in the night sky, no matter what, a constant in his life. he’s subtle, reassuring, touches and nights spent on the roof of his apartment building, watching everything slowly unfold beneath them. he’s quiet mornings and the sound of breakfast being made in the cramped apartment kitchen, oversized, frayed hoodies and lopsided smiles. he’s a compass, guiding changbin through everything, and maybe that’s why he defied all odds, and fell in love with the wrong person.

the wind nips at his cheeks, and changbin realizes that, somewhere along the way, he’d started crying. 

he glances up at the night sky, sees a lone star, and smiles bitterly.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changbin feels chan’s heart beating against his back, feels the way jisung curls up into him on the bed, legs entangled, and knows that this is what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so!!!!!!i wrote a second chapter :p i really liked the ambiguous ending but i also like playing around with 3rachas dynamic so here i am!!!!! back at it with my shitty writing!!!! also didnt proofread H ill probably fix any mistakes later my bad

changbin walks around for what feels like hours after he leaves chan’s apartment. he has no destination in mind really, just knows that he can’t go home, can’t be reminded of everything that happened earlier. he’s lucky that his parents can’t be bothered to ask where he is.

he ends up on a park bench, limbs heavy and eyes bleary as he tucks his knees closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. he rests his face into the crook of his arm, squeezing his eyes shut in hopes of keeping the tears away. they come anyways, and he panics a little when he hears the familiar ringing of his phone, wiping his eyes hurriedly as he pulls it out, only to see chan’s name flashing across the screen.

he gives in, answering the call before he can change his mind.

“changbin.” chan sounds relieved. he doesn’t know what to say, just hums in acknowledgement so that chan won’t hear the way his voice cracks.

“where are you? i stopped by your house after jisung left, but you weren’t there,” chan explains, and changbin winces at the way his voice is laced with worry. “i’ve just been walking around,” he confesses hoarsely, feeling the way tears slip out of his eyes. he sniffles, and thinks about how pathetic the whole scenario is, crying when _he_ was the one who put them through this whole mess.

“i’m at one of those benches. near the school, i think,” he hiccups eventually, and he can hear rustling coming through his phone, presumably chan getting ready to leave. guilt crawls up his throat, and he’s on the verge of saying something when chan huffs, muttering, _”don’t tell me not to come,”_ into the phone, and changbin feels his heart break a little bit more. chan stays on the line until he finds him, insisting that he should keep him company, and maybe changbin won’t admit it, but he’s more than grateful.

changbin hears chan before he sees him, hears the way he laughs a little and the way his footsteps hit the ground lightly. he slides onto the bench, offering him his signature crooked smile, eyes bright under the warm glow of the street light above them. changbin’s drawn to him immediately, wants nothing more than to make his way into his arms, but he’s scared and on edge. he scoots towards the other side of the bench instead, and chan follows, despite his dismay.

“come on, binnie,” he murmurs softly, and changbin looks up at him through wet eyelashes, feeling a tug in his chest when he sees chan smiling stupidly at him, arms open. he complies, hands moving to push himself closer to chan, who’s facing him. chan slides his arms around changbin’s waist, squeezing a little before resting his chin on his shoulder. changbin leans into his touch, feeling much warmer than earlier.

“none of this is your fault,” chan insists, pulling away slightly to look at him. “none of this should’ve happened,” changbin protests weakly, eyes avoiding chan’s, who falls silent shortly afterwards.

they sit there for quite some time, until changbin’s shivering from the cold seeping into his bones and chan’s nervously asking if he’d like to stay over, so he isn’t by himself, and changbin _caves._ he caves because chan is familiar, a constant in his life, the kind that he craves. he’s the warmth absent from his own home, and that’s probably why he ends up back in the run down apartment building chan calls home fifteen minutes later.

changbin makes himself comfortable on the couch, ignoring chan’s protests. “just, don’t,” changbin forces out, cutting chan off mid-sentence, who looks surprised. “please hyung,” he adds, in a much softer tone, and the look chan gives him makes it harder to hold himself together. chan sighs eventually, choosing to sit down where changbin’s laying on the couch. his hand reaches out to brush the hair out of his eyes, and he smiles sadly at him. changbin breathes shakily, avoiding looking at him.

chan pushes changbin slightly, so that his back is touching the couch, that way he can lay down next to him. changbin ignores the way his throat goes dry, heart speeding up as chan settles next to him. he tries to scoot away, but the couch is small and chan is everywhere, legs pressed against his, arms slotting into place around his waist.

“you never let me tell you how i feel,” chan almost sounds amused, a small laugh bubbling up out of him when changbin stares at him blankly. “i guess i just assumed it didn’t matter,” he pauses, trying to piece his thoughts together. “especially since jisung turned out to be my soulmate,” he continues quietly, feeling a little ashamed for disregarding chan in that way.

“why do we put so much faith into soulmates?” chan asks, tilting his head curiously at changbin, who doesn’t know how to respond. _but that’s the thing. i’ve never really put much faith into soulmates, and it’s all because of you,_ he thinks bitterly. once it became clear chan wouldn’t get a soulmate, changbin had resolved to putting his faith elsewhere, into the universe doing the same for him, so that chan, pretty, warm-eyed _chan,_ could maybe become something more than just the friend he sought comfort from when everything was just a little _too_ suffocating.

“i don’t know, hyung,” he finally answers, voice rasping and he can tell chan isn’t satisfied. changbin chooses to press himself further into the back of the couch instead, which digs into his spine, but he ignores it, focusing instead on shutting his eyes, waiting for sleep to come. chan must sense him slowly shutting out the outside world, because he goes silent, the only noise resulting from him pulling changbin back towards him, away from the comfort of the back of the couch.

so he falls asleep like that, curled up against chan’s chest, pretending like he can’t hear crack after crack making its way along his heart.

and changbin doesn’t ask him. about his feelings, that is.

 _it’s not fair to jisung,_ he thinks. not fair that there’s a rip in the universe, the one he caused by falling in love with the wrong person, by thinking it’d all turn out okay in the end.

chan doesn’t bring it up, even as the days go by, says he’s waiting for him to talk it out with jisung. _it’s not fair. to you, or to jisungie,_ he tells him, and changbin almost laughs. he responds with a hushed _i know,_ hyung and doesn’t bring it up again.

jisung stops showing up at lunch, and changbin realizes just how different everything is without him around, how he misses seeing his smile, (the kind where he squeezes his eyes shut, unashamed) how he’d do anything for things to go back to normal.

the others try to talk to him, and by others, mainly hyunjin, whose heart bleeds for everyone and anyone around him. _please, i can’t stand seeing you guys like this,_ he admits, and changbin agrees with every single bone in his body. _don’t they know? don’t they realize i can’t stand it either?_ so, he swallows down any feelings of unease, forces a smile to soothe hyunjin, and walks the path to jisung’s after school a few days later.

he knocks on the door, hesitantly, not like the way he used to. he stares at the arrangement of flowers in little pots, thinking how pretty they look, and remembers jisung mentioning something about them. _(hyung, they grew! i really wasn’t expecting them to!)_ changbin smiles fondly, crouching down to get a better look.

the door swings open, and he shoots to his feet, clearing his throat awkwardly. jisung mouth forms a tiny _o_ and his eyes immediately wander to changbin’s arm. he glances behind him worriedly, before motioning for changbin to tug his sleeve down. _to cover my tattoo,_ he thinks while doing so, and the thought makes his head swim. maybe this wasn’t a good idea, but he does it anyways, and all of a sudden jisung’s offering him a small smile, gesturing for him to come inside. he greets his parents politely, before walking to jisung’s room with him, always a step or two behind.

space. everyone needs it.

jisung closes the door to his room carefully, and he looks less on edge now. “sorry, i haven’t, uh, explained the whole “my soumate’s a boy” thing to them yet,” he mutters, face twisting up into a grimace. changbin swallows thickly from the edge of his bed, wishing he wasn’t drowning in guilt. he pats the spot next to him, gesturing for jisung to sit down. “it’s okay. you don’t have to apologize,” he insists, feeling a surge of protectiveness as he sees the way jisung curls in on himself when he sits, staring quietly at the ground.

“i figured we should talk,” changbin begins, eyes darting over to meet jisung’s. he almost loses his composure when he’s met with the sight of a teary eyed jisung, but he forces himself to continue. “i had this whole big thing planned. what i would say, how you would react, but it really doesn’t matter,” changbin continues, eyes trained on the way jisung swings his feet back and forth. he notes how his feet just barely skim the ground, and his heart aches.

he opens his mouth, ready to pour everything out but he’s interrupted by jisung, who blurts out, “it’s okay. you and chan hyung,” he pauses, biting his lip out of concentration, and changbin waits. “i see the way he looks at you. almost as if you were made for each other, ironically,” he finishes, shaking his head a little. changbin doesn’t have time to respond before jisung deflates, tears dropping and he’s mumbling words of encouragement, trying to placate the swarm of emotions spilling over as he pulls the boy into his arms.

changbin is at a loss for words, and jisung doesn’t say anything, just cries himself dry.

“a part of me sort of hoped it’d always just be us three,” jisung confesses, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as he detangles himself from changbin. changbin’s eyebrows pull together, unsure of what he means. “but you have each other. i’ll be fine,” jisung quickly adds, trying to smile reassuringly at him. _i don’t wanna lose you,_ he thinks.

“i don’t wanna lose you. i think i speak for chan as well when i say that,” changbin forces out, hoping it sounds genuine enough. just the _thought_ of jisung being absent from his life is enough to make something along the lines of uneasiness stir in his stomach. he tries to imagine a life without jisung’s bubbly self, a life without chan and changbin exchanging smiles whenever jisung whines or complains about something, without jisung clinging onto his arm whenever he’s excited, eyes wide, and it’s almost _unbearable._

“i don’t think i could do it. be around you if you’re...” jisung’s voices trails off, and he takes a deep breath. “we aren’t, uh, together,” changbin clarifies weakly, and jisung’s eyes shoot open. “i had to talk to you first,” he admits, and jisung sighs, curling away from him. “there isn’t much to say,” he states quietly, and changbin wishes he wasn’t so stubborn sometimes.

“you don’t _get_ it, hyung,” jisung insists when he doesn’t respond, and changbin realizes he’s said those words before, only to chan. _they’ve come full circle,_ he realizes. “i don’t just _like_ you. i think it’s become more than that, and i don’t think chan hyung’s just a friend to me, either,” jisung admits, and changbin tries to process everything, mind swimming as he rushes to piece it all together.

_of course. it makes sense._

jisung refuses to say anything else after that, just tells him he should go home, worry a little less. changbin tries to protest, but he sees his parents staring at them, confused, so he drops it. for jisung’s sake, he tells himself.

chan welcomes him with open arms, and changbin can’t find it in himself to feel guilty.

they end up on chan’s bed, changbin once again seeking comfort in the warmth he provides. he explains what happened with jisung, and chan goes silent.

“everything just got a little bit easier,” chan sounds a little surprised, laughing breathlessly. changbin barely has time to ask what he means before chan’s explaining how he feels the same way jisung does, and changbin’s left to untangle his own feelings.

 _it couldn’t possibly work,_ he tells himself over and over again, staring up at the ceiling. chan had fallen asleep ages ago, but changbin was too restless to do the same.

he toys with the possibility chan had explained. _all three of us. defying the odds, like a crappy romance movie._

the thought is overwhelming, and changbin kicks at the sheets uselessly, trying to get up and out of the room before everything crashes down on him. chan stirs, blinking sleepily at the sight of a very panicked (and slightly guilty) changbin. “did you even sleep?” tumbles out of his mouth without hesitation, and changbin fidgets restlessly, still sitting up in bed. chan props himself up on his elbow, hand resting on his face. his free hand moves to grasp one of changbin’s, hesitantly, as if waiting to see how he’ll react. when changbin doesn’t say anything, he gives him a reassuring squeeze, thumb skimming his knuckles.

“stop thinking so much,” chan scolds lightly, and changbin looks at him sadly, wishing he could. chan tugs on the hand he’s holding, guiding him back down next to him. “you can take all the time you need. i don’t want you rushing or making a decision too quickly. you’ve been through a lot lately,” chan murmurs, and changbin doesn’t respond, just moves closer to him. chan, in turn, tangles his fingers into changbin’s hair, the gesture soothing and calming.

he falls asleep in chan’s warmth, which has grown all too familar to him.

changbin spends the next couple of days restless, straying away from chan’s apartment and his friends. he knows he’d feel overwhelmed if he faced them, so he cowers instead, tossing and turning in a house devoid of affection, unable to calm his mind.

he doesn’t deserve chan, let alone both of them, but the possibility itches at him, takes root inside of him, makes him feel warm all over.

changbin spends what feels like hour after hour picking the idea apart, looking for flaws and upsides, and it’s absolutely _terrible_ of him to do, but it’s all he can think about, about having two of the most important people by his side, about what it would be like.

he goes to jisung’s first, only to be met with widened eyes and hushed whispers, promising he’ll come find him later before closing the door in his face. changbin just stares in shock, before scrambling down back to the sidewalk, deciding he’ll go see chan instead. he blinks back tears at the rejection, and quickens his pace.

it’s not until he’s knocking on chan’s door and it’s swinging open that he’s able to decipher jisung’s reaction. _his parents must’ve found out,_ he realizes, and he almost sobs at the thought, hoping he hadn’t made things worse by showing up.

“hyung,” he mumbles, already crying and chan’s face morphs into empathy from the doorway, pulling him inside. “i — jisung, he,” is all that comes out, and chan’s telling him to breathe, take a seat. “i think, his parents,” changbin starts again, chest heaving, and chan’s hushing him gently, telling him to take all the time he needs. “his parents. i think they know it’s me. i showed up and he panicked,” changbin explains, and chan stiffens, before snapping out of it to grab his phone. changbin just watches him in confusion, waiting.

he assumes he’s texting jisung, but he’s too afraid to ask and all of a sudden chan’s getting up, searching for his keys. “jisung. i’ll be back,” he explains, and changbin doesn’t know what to say, eyes wide as chan practically runs out the door.

he comes back with jisung, who looks like he’s shaking, arms pulled tight around himself. chan throws his keys down, and changbin flinches from the couch, shying away. he notices jisung doing the same, and chan’s expressions softens. “sorry,” he mutters, pressing the bridge of his nose with his fingers, before sitting onto one end the couch, gesturing jisung to do the same. he hesitates, before gently seating himself on the other side, trying to smile weakly at changbin, who doesn’t know when he started crying.

“i shouldn’t have come,” he says softly, sitting in between them, and jisung’s shaking his head furiously, looking at him desperately. “no, no, you didn’t know,” he insists, and changbin wishes he didn’t notice the way his voice cracks and loses its footing, wishes a lot of things had gone differently. “i couldn’t lie to them,” he continues, looking up at him, and changbin sees the sadness bleeding into his face, distorting his features. “i couldn’t.”

so jisung explains it all, his parents reactions, how chan had barely managed to get him away for the night, how he’d realized that words are the most powerful weapons, easily used to harm, and changbin’s heart weeps the entire time, wanting nothing more than to tuck him into the crook of his arms and keep him safe.

he looks over at chan, and every fiber in his being screams tension, from the way he clenches his fist to the way his sits, rigid and upright. the sight is new to changbin, but the jisung’s eyes are sliding over to chan’s and he’s clambering over changbin to make his way to him. changbin watches the way he relaxes when jisung slides his arms around him. “it’s okay, hyung,” he mumbles, smiling reassuringly, and chan smiles back. changbin lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and joins them.

that’s where it all begins — on the beat up couch in chan’s tiny living room, the same living room changbin sought peace and quiet from, the same one jisung spent countless nights with the both of them, watching shitty movies and talking about everything that was on their minds.

maybe it isn’t such a bad idea after all. changbin thinks about the way chan’s eyes crinkle, how his heart flutters at the sight. he thinks about jisung’s crooked teeth when he smiles, gentle hands finding changbin’s, and laughter bubbling up out of him.

changbin buries his face in the spot where shoulder meets neck, murmuring, “can we try this?” into skin, and jisung leans back into his touch wordlessly. “are you sure?” he sounds a little breathless, and changbin pulls away to nod, to say _yes yes yes yes_ a thousand times over. jisung shifts to face him, and he’s so happy it _hurts,_ eyes gleaming under the shitty lighting of chan’s apartment, hand reaching out to hold his. changbin smiles shyly, and jisung’s grinning back at him, already kissing his cheeks, nose, forehead, and changbin’s chest lurches from the affection.

“are you sure?” chan echoes, looking a little dumbstruck and changbin leans over, enveloping chan’s hand with his own. “more than sure,” changbin insists, giddy from the way chan’s hand feels in his, from how everything played out.

it’s not perfect, doesn’t start out smoothly like one would think.

changbin tends to be closed off, especially when things at home aren’t going the way they should be, and jisung is so much more open in comparison. as a result, they clash sometimes, but chan is always there, to set boundaries and prod them with reminders to be patient, hear each other out. even chan has his bad days — like when jisung doesn’t respond because of his parents, only to sneak out and show up a couple of days later, offering an apology before the tears start. (those are always the worst, but they work through it).

they work through it all, because the fear of losing one or the other is too great, and changbin learns to accept the fact that the universe isn’t _always_ right — that sometimes soulmates can’t be predicted, that he’d fallen in love not just with chan, but with jisung too — and it felt so much more _right_ than what the universe was telling him.

changbin feels chan’s heart beating against his back, feels the way jisung curls up into him on the bed, legs entangled, and knows that this is what he wants.

they don’t really have the chance to go on a date — jisung’s parents having drilled paranoia and anxiety into his mind — so chan sneaks them up to the rooftop one night, and changbin’s heart pounds so loudly that it drowns out all the surrounding noise, but jisung, _jisung_ is there to slide an arm around his waist and whisper something about how awfully ridiculous chan looks sneaking around as if someone’s actually going to see them. changbin laughs, before covering his mouth, eyes wide as chan looks over.

“if no one’s said anything by now, i don’t think anyone will,” he shrugs, smiling crookedly at the two of them.

it’s nothing grand, but changbin hates grand gestures. he lives for the small things, in the thought and care that comes with them.

he moves to wrap his arms around jisung’s waist from behind, chin resting on his shoulder as jisung’s hands cover his own. they follow chan across the rooftop like that, connected. (and maybe they stumble once or twice, but chan doesn’t notice, so it doesn’t really matter).

chan looks embarrassed, standing over a blanket and what appears to be a thermos. “i didn’t do much. i figured we could just be with each other,” he says shyly, and jisung coos, untangling himself from changbin to make his way over to chan. changbin joins them, and they all end up cross legged on the blanket, holding cups of hot chocolate.

jisung is more than delighted, especially when chan puts extra whipped cream in his cup, and he puffs his cheeks to blow on it gently, before taking a sip. chan smiles fondly, leaning over to wipe the whipped cream off of his face. jisung giggles, scrunching his nose from chan’s touch. changbin sighs, content to be here.

he finishes his drink first, so he finds himself wedged in between chan’s legs, staring up at the stars as jisung fills the silence with stories of how his day went — like how felix accidentally flung his pencil at a classmate while aiming for jisung, or how he couldn’t remember the answer to the most simple physics question.

changbin looks up at the sky, enjoying the feeling of chan’s fingers in his hair and the sound of jisung’s voice floating through the night, and thinks the stars look especially pretty.

he’s reminded of the night he left chan’s apartment, and he feels a little less bitter this time around as he sees the stars sprinkled across the sky, peeking out from the clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eep kudos n comments are always always appreciated


End file.
